Post-Divorce Education Decisions
Post-divorce education decisions can create some of the most vexing issues for parents. Those issues can arise at any level – preschool, kindergarten, elementary school, intermediate school, secondary school, vocational school and college. While these issues can be confounding, there are steps that can be taken to reduce conflict.
At the inception, a close inspection as to whether the parents are candidates for shared decision-making is in order. During the intact marriage, did the parents share the same views for their children’s education? When to start preschool and kindergarten? Public or private schools? Vocational school or college? Most importantly, do they both prioritize the children’s best interests and look to those interests for guidance in decision-making? While these decisions cannot be fully predicted for children of tender years and differences will exist, shared parental goals and aspirations should be evaluated carefully before entering any form of joint decision-making arrangement. Many jurisdictions offer statutory and common law guidance, but a key component, aside from shared vision, is whether the parties can communicate collaboratively on this topic. If shared principles and open communication cannot coalesce, joint legal custody or conservatorship likely is not a realistic option.
Presuming the parties agree to shared decision-making, any settlement agreement should try to, at least at inception, address as many issues as possible. Certainly, the start of formal education timing and type of elementary school are topics that could be addressed. Timing for future decisions also could be included. While vocational and college decisions likely are speculative and require more and future information, a framework for making these decisions could be addressed. That framework could include mandatory non-judicial attempts to resolve before resorting to courts. The more certainty that can be placed in the initial contract, the less the possibility of disputes even with the modifiability of children’s issues.
When decisions need to be made, the lodestar must be the best interests of the children. As noted above, differences will exist. But as children mature and information is developed, it is relatively easy to determine whether a parent is focused more on what is best for their children or prevailing over the other parent. In the pre-college years, children’s aptitudes matter but so does benefit and cost. For example, do the parents live in challenged public school districts where a private school education is demonstrably superior? Do the parents have the financial and other resources to pay for private schools? If the private school is parochial, is there a religious overlay? Are there transportation challenges for one or both parents? Is the decision driven by new families, stepchildren matriculation, or other external considerations? These issues are difficult, but resources exist to help compromise. Consider external education advisors, co-parenting counseling, parenting coordinators, mediators, or arbitrators. If all else fails, courts will make the decision upon proper request, recognizing that, in most jurisdictions, if too many disputes occur courts will consider modifying joint decision-making and vesting sole educational authority in one parent.
For vocational school or college, discussions should begin by sophomore year. More information will become available as each academic year occurs, and that may reshape initial views. Aptitude and reasons for school choice at this level play a big part in school choice at this level. For example, a child with a perfect SAT score and unique engineering aptitude might be a superior candidate for the cost of an elite private engineering school that a child who meets the academic criteria but simply wants to attend college another part of the United States. Even more than at lower educational levels, parents’ financial resources are a focal point. As are child contributions to these costs. The availability of scholarships, aid, loans, and other resources may also be a key point of discussion. Additionally, the parent-child relationship should be examined since a parent could oppose a decision due to being shut out of the decision-making process, repudiation of the parent-child relationship, or other factors. A critical assessment as to parents’ motivations for support or opposition to school choice is imperative. If the assessment is that a parent is being oppositional simply to be oppositional, judicial intervention may be required. Yet attempts to engage with high school counselors and other external sources, as well as non-judicial problem solvers, should be exhausted before court intervention occurs.
Educational decisions for children can be easy or extraordinarily tough, depending on the approach taken by parents in their post-divorce relationship. A focus on the best interests of their children and refrain from having third parties intrude on the decisions and impose their will is a must. Having the right attitude about shared decision-making and demonstrating patience and mutual respect is a formula for success without involving courts. The predicate for this type of relationship should be carefully explored before entering any joint decision-making arrangement. With a positive view of the other parent and as much detail as possible in settlement agreements, education decisions for children can be the proud, joyous experience that parents envisioned when their children were born. That is the children-centric experience families deserve and must expect.